Kidnapped

Everybody warned me, and finally the unthinkable has happened. I was walking down the street wearing my George Bush t-shirt and humming The Stars and Stripes Forever when a band of mustache-wearing, revolver-wielding men suddenly came at me and threw me into the back of a truck. I struggled, but they hit me on the head and everything went dark.

I woke in a dark cell. They gave me some crusts of bread and dirty water, and I have to sleep on the cold cement. I'm posting this entry from an iPhone I stole off one of the guards - no doubt he got it from some other hapless American. They must have taken this photo of me to send to my relatives and friends for ransom.

I don't know when I'll be able to post again. They're sure to discover the phone before long. Please send your prayers my way. I only wish I'd never left the safety of my beautiful American shores.